Thursday, October 13, 2005

Drew Victory, Mouse=Death

I am betting most of you have already figured out by the title of this post that I was able to kill the little bastard. Somehow last night I was able to get some sleep (only two hours) and when my alarms started going off, who did I see in my window crawling around like he owned the place?? You guessed it! That little punk mouse. This was when I decided that he had to go; the little fucker had already chewed up my screen seven ways from Sunday with about 8 chew/crawl holes that he had created throughout the night. I don’t know what time he got started, but boy he was determined even though it wasn’t going to get him anywhere because the window into the house was still shut.

With that I ate some breakfast and readied for battle. I threw on my trusty shoes and a shirt and trudged out to the backyard through the back porch. I think he heard me coming because when I got to the window well, he had already ducked back down into his hole. Frustrated, I went back inside and waited for him to show up at the window and start crawling around again. The second time I went out through the front door and sneaked around the side of the house trying not to get him to make a break for it. I waited patiently until he popped his head out of the ground and he had crawled through the screen when I sprung my trap.

When I was watching him crawl around, he always went the same way, this made it easier ton anticipate his movements. As soon as he was through the screen I sealed off his exit and the hole he had recently popped out from so that to escape me he would have to dig a new hole. The next 20-30 seconds where all human instinct on getting rid of vermin. I bashed the critter with my shovel repeatedly until it stopped squealing and moving. Then I scooped him up and tossed him in the bushes.

I would have rather the mouse had met his end in the claws of a Hawk or Owl, but obviously this mouse was clever enough to evade those types of birds. I also would have preferred either trapping him with a mousetrap or poisoning him, however we had none of these things at the house on Lindig. So it had to be me, either I was going to kill that mouse or it was going to keep doing damage to our house.

Now I know there has got to be somebody out there saying “that’s a terrible thing to do, how can you kill a poor defenseless creature that didn’t do anything to you?” What they need to understand is: Mouse, squirrels and chipmunks all may look cute but they are rodents. It was because of rodents like mice and rats that killed over half of Europe’s population by helping spread the Bubonic Plague. Rodents also do damage in the form of chewing on electrical wires in your house that can end up burning your house down, or building large nests in your basement, attic, or the top of your chimney in the case of squirrels. And another thing, these creatures are not defenseless. They are small, fast, and maneuverable and have teeth, sometimes even have rabies or other diseases. People on campus should know what I am talking about, when you walk by a garbage can and all of a sudden this squirrel about the size of a housecat jumps out at you, you instantly think to yourself or out loud
"That is the biggest fucking squirrel I have ever seen!!”

People need to realize that rodents are not man’s best friend, those jobs are already taken by dogs, cats, and fishes. The world is not how it is shown in Disney films, if it where believe me I would have a pet Raccoon named Rosco and we would go cause trouble together. In reality, Rosco probably spends his time digging through garbage cans and scareing Freshman kids who wander to close to his nest in the tree near the law school. I swear these Raccoons can get to be the size of dogs and would like nothing more than to get into a fight with a drunken student.

So thus ends the 2 part battle between the mouse and the Drew, coming up this weekend two big time rodents will battle it out on the field as Minnesota hosts Wisconsin at the Metrodome for BIG TEN FOOTBALL. I know my favorite rodent, Goldy Gopher, is totally going to exterminate that damn Badger.

Rah Rah Rah for Ska-U-Mah… Go Gophers!!

M-I-N-N-E-S-O-T-A
Minnesota, Minnesota, Yeah Gophers, RAH


Until next time,

Laters

Andrew

3 comments:

Kristen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kristen said...

Drew, I could tell today during lunch that your masculinity was sky high because you totally dominated that little bitch mouse. (I'm assuming it was a bitch). Second, perhaps the mouse was so keen to get into your bedroom all night just to catch a glimpse of you perhaps...naked?!?! :D

Ah, the little mouse. And yes, one other reason why you don't like mice in your house is because they poop everywhere. Even in your hair. I had to slip poop in this comment too ;)

Kristen said...

Hey babe, how do I put a picture into my Blogger profile?